Fear and morality

There are sects of religious peoples who all believe the same idea.  Man is small; man is frail; man is beset upon by fears.  Mostly, man has darkness inside him. born of the original sin.  Many would delve into the meaning of this: darkness; how does it present itself; how do we rid ourselves of it.  Most turn to God, hoping his eternal light will drive the darkness away.  

I think I know what the darkness is.  It is akin to a tiny walkie-talkie in your brain.  In religious terms, it’s the Devil, tempting you, constantly, with promises of pleasure, and happiness, and love.  In Genesis he took the form of a snake.  In these, much more technological, times, he’s got the walkie-talkie.  And religion, predicated on the ideas of man’s weakness, came up with the grand, and ever-evolving idea of hell.  Originally, hell was absence from God.  Then, hell became a place of fire and brimstone with little demons with horns running around poking souls with pitchforks.  Next, came the idea that it was your worst fears played out over an eternity (think Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey).  And finally we have come to hell as a reflection of the sin that brought us there (If you’ve ever watched the show Reaper, you’ll know what I mean), reflected back upon us.

This is the basis of morality.  Turn away from the darkness, the desires, the impulses, the temptations of the devil (if you will) or face an eternity somewhere, that by any definition, is bad.  How much easier is it to live a moral life for 70 years than to suffer for an eternity.  And we’ve built our legal system on these same ideas.

So why have I spent so much time thinking about these things, especially as someone who is not religious?  As someone who is not religious, I consider myself without the church’s ideas of morality.  In the place of their morality, I have a bit of my own, mostly framed by ethics.  Ethics and morality are the same thing, you say?  Definitely not.  Ethics are based on group acceptance of right and wrong, which may change as times change.  Morality is based on much more strict guidelines and never change.  I think if most people really looked into their lives, they aren’t nearly as moral as they think they are.  How many of you “moral” people find a way to cheat on your taxes (just a little, I’m not talking about saving millions) or won’t correct a cashier if he gives you a little too much back in change.  How many of you support war, or murder for “self defense,” or the death penalty, or abortion (in some situations).  Religious morality doesn’t give you the option of “well, in this case it would be acceptable.”  Morality is absolute. 

But, that’s not the point of this rant.  I have darkness.  I fear the darkness in me.  I fear that one day I will act on that darkness, let just a little bit of it out, and it will consume me.  As someone who doesn’t adhere to religion, I don’t fear going to hell.  The idea doesn’t even enter my mind.  What I fear is losing control and ultimately hurting others.  Many of you know me well enough to know that there are aspects of my being which some would say are bad or evil.  Though, on the surface, I wouldn’t believe those people, I fear in some respects they may be right.  All humans are capable of terrible things.  I am capable of terrible things.  And these things are in my mind, in my thoughts.  And I guess what bothers me most about it, is that I don’t have a “baseline comparison” to say, oh, that’s normal, most people have those thoughts.  At what point have I crossed that line?  At what point have I truly lost control?

And it is said that the truth shall set you free.  But, to whom do you tell this truth?  There are some things that I think, some things that compel me that I can’t even tell those people to whom I am closest.  I must keep them locked away, afraid and ashamed.  I am afraid and ashamed.